I'll Do It For Cynthia Never For Darni
1. The first weird thing about me that I’m willing to share is that I have suicidal thoughts often. It’s not so much the deed itself or ways to do it so much. I rarely think about method. Typically I’m thinking about little insignificant things that would prevent me from doing it. I haven’t seen the Superbowl yet. Syriana hasn’t come out on DVD yet. I haven’t had a Big Mac lately. However I am on a slow suicide program of bad health habits that will kill me most assuredly but just not tomorrow.
2. I turned down a Journalism Scholarship to Wayne State (in Detroit) because it would have meant commuting to school from my home in Oak Park. I couldn’t bear the thought of staying in my mother and fathers house another second after graduating from high school, so I went to a small private school Adrian College where I had that “freedom” I was looking for, for the first time in my life and I promptly flunked out of school in two short semesters. I moved back home.
3. I think Alfre Woodard is sexy as Hell. Condoleeza and Maxine Waters too.
4. I am a sexual dud with women I have strong feelings for. I am an almost uncontrollable animal with those I could care less for. (wait a minute. Not true. Yes I care “less” than those I have strong feelings for but not “care less” about them, just not see my self with any future outside of sex with them. Yeah that’s it)
5. I am a former athlete now residing in a fat man’s body. I would sometimes forget that until three years ago when this fat man tried to do something athletic and spent nearly two months in traction. I am now proud to say that my brain finally “gets” it and I have relegated myself to watching others handle the sports thing now. Every once in a while though, while watching sports, I’ll be taken by a move that one of those athletes make and my brain will think back to when I was able to do the same or better and then the other part of my brain would tell that part “Uh huh. Remember the “pop?” and my whole body tightens up and a wince comes across my face as if I was about to be injured by just watching some of the things I used to do as opposed to doing it. I’ve had to learn how to walk three times in my life. I think it’s made me a stronger person in some respects and weaker in others.
2. I turned down a Journalism Scholarship to Wayne State (in Detroit) because it would have meant commuting to school from my home in Oak Park. I couldn’t bear the thought of staying in my mother and fathers house another second after graduating from high school, so I went to a small private school Adrian College where I had that “freedom” I was looking for, for the first time in my life and I promptly flunked out of school in two short semesters. I moved back home.
3. I think Alfre Woodard is sexy as Hell. Condoleeza and Maxine Waters too.
4. I am a sexual dud with women I have strong feelings for. I am an almost uncontrollable animal with those I could care less for. (wait a minute. Not true. Yes I care “less” than those I have strong feelings for but not “care less” about them, just not see my self with any future outside of sex with them. Yeah that’s it)
5. I am a former athlete now residing in a fat man’s body. I would sometimes forget that until three years ago when this fat man tried to do something athletic and spent nearly two months in traction. I am now proud to say that my brain finally “gets” it and I have relegated myself to watching others handle the sports thing now. Every once in a while though, while watching sports, I’ll be taken by a move that one of those athletes make and my brain will think back to when I was able to do the same or better and then the other part of my brain would tell that part “Uh huh. Remember the “pop?” and my whole body tightens up and a wince comes across my face as if I was about to be injured by just watching some of the things I used to do as opposed to doing it. I’ve had to learn how to walk three times in my life. I think it’s made me a stronger person in some respects and weaker in others.
posted by Mak at 8:48 AM
4 Comments:
What is with the suicidal thoughts? Life is too short as it is. Did you ever finish school?
I think Alfre Woodard is sexy as Hell. Condoleeza and Maxine Waters too.
Interesting list.
Dunno. I think it's a life unfulfilled complex. I don't think my life is worthwhile unless something monumental is accomplished. Knowing the nature of man and Mak I'd probably still feel unfulfilled when I've accomplished that. No I did not finish school and yes Alfre Woodard is in my top ten. She is ALL woman. Her voice her lips and hips send me there. And her eyes are the kind that scream intelligence in a way that letters and papers can't. She seems to have an "understanding" of the world that is.....sexy.
Whatever, man. Besides, I already knew most of this. You'd already confessed the Condolezza could get it.
Condi, man? Aww, dude!
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